Bulletin August 1998

Web Site: www.blackheath.co.uk email: harrington_rod@hotmail.com		Issue 1 August 1998 Season 1998/99

I trust that the summer has been a good one for you but hope and expect that like me you are now eagerly anticipating the forthcoming season and are looking forward to dusting off your hockey stick. No doubt you have been keeping yourself fit but if not now’s the time to start as there’s only a few weeks to go. See below for details. Now may also be a good time to check through your kit to make sure its all in order. The reason I mention this is because last season Chris Bernard turned up on trials day not having opened his kit bag since he packed it up after the final game at Thanet some four months earlier. The smell was interesting to say the least.

THE MONKEYS ARE BACK I make no apologies for returning to traditional Blackheath style and values so the monkeys are making a comeback about 20 years after they were first designed by Albert De Souza. I intend to post the bulletins out this season. With people playing at different times all round the South of England that’s probably the most reliable way of keeping everyone informed. For those of you with access to the internet you will find the bulletins (plus a lot more) on the Club’s web site. Of course to make them a success I need material. You can leave stuff behind the bar, fax, phone, email or post stuff to me - I really don’t mind how, but please do try to contribute something. TRIALS

The Men's Club trials take place on Saturday 12th September at Lloyds Bank Astroturf, Copers Cope Road, Beckenham. The trials will start promptly at 10.30am, finishing at 12.00. Please arrive at 10.00am to register, and please bring both white and red shirts. The first selection of the season takes place at the clubhouse after the trials. This is when the Captains will choose their respective squads for the matches played until the second selection committee, which takes place in October. Those players unable to make the trials should notify their captain of the side they were playing for last season. This is important, since the club needs to be aware of your situation, and bring this into play when selecting teams.
The 1st and 2nd XI squads will be having separate trials and their own pre-season warm up matches. Those persons wishing to make themselves available for the 1st and 2nd XI squads should contact the respective Captain and be available for training in August and September. The first league matches for the bulk of the club take place on Saturday 26th September and there will be pre-season games the week prior. Captains will be contacting players in the run-up to the new season, but it would help them if you make the effort to get in touch yourself, particularly if your contact details have changed.

Contact	Who	Home tel.	email
1st XI Manager	Brad Rehling	0181 395 5418
2nd XI Manager	Conrad De Souza	0181 699 2423
3rd XI Captain	David 'Nosher' Walton	0181 293 4538
4th XI Captain	Steve Hamblet	01268 768639	hwalters@dentonhall.com
4A's XI (Heathens) Captain	Chris Bernard	0181 650 9870	pomac@atlas.co.uk
5th XI Captain	Imdath Syed	0181 699 3460
Veterans Captain	David Maltman	0181 244 0933
Team Secretary	Steve Miller	0181 692 1843	steve@blackheath.co.uk

TRAINING FOR THE NEW SEASON Fitness Training takes place at 7.00pm every Thursday throughout August at the Club in Rubens Street. The training sessions are open to anyone who would like to take part and are the perfect remedy for the post-World Cup beer belly syndrome. Hockey training is held every Tuesday and Thursday throughout September at Lloyds Bank Astro, Copers Cope Road, Beckenham. Again these sessions are open to anyone. Training starts at 8.00pm on both nights.
200 CLUB The Club finances (or rather the lack of them) continue to be an issue. Please help by planning to pay your subs as early in the season as possible. The Club also needs your support for the ‘200 Club’. The cost is £5 per month with half of the income being paid out in monthly prizes and the remainder being invested in the Club. Please try and support this initiative - forms available from team captains and from behind the bar.
JOINT CLUB AGM SEPTEMBER 16th at 8.00 pm There was extended discussion about the Joint Club at this year’s Hockey AGM. This is your chance to find out about and contribute to the work of the Committee which has responsibility for club finances and the ground. It’s being held in September to hopefully secure better support from hockey club members.
KENT CENTENARY CELEBRATIONS SATURDAY 5TH SEPTEMBER Kent County Hockey Association celebrates its centenary this year (‘better late than never’ we Blackheathans might smugly say) – and are staging A DAY OF HOCKEY on Saturday, 5th September at the Old Holcombians ground in Rochester. The day’s events include a game played according to 1898 rules featuring our one and only Colin Couves and a number of former county players from the days when Kent used to win the county championship. This will take place about midday. There will follow a ‘modern game’ between the current Kent side and Sean Kerly’s Olympians. About 15 Club members have already signed up to attend the Centenary dinner in the evening. The Old Holc’s ground is at the corner of City Way and Maidstone Road in Rochester. For further details phone John Bartlett (0181-464-1541)
WE DID IT !!!! During the weekend of 1st-2nd August Blackheath bucked the trend and produced a highly successful Festival of Hockey, just as many established events are folding because of lack of interest. With the added attraction of shower dodging on Saturday afternoon, and torrential rainfall on Saturday evening, everybody had a phenomenal time. Most of the sides have already booked themselves a slot at next year's event which promises to be even bigger, louder and drier than this year's festivities. The list of people to thank is too long to begin to contemplate. All we can do is offer a big THANK YOU to everyone who helped out, many of whom are mentioned in this report. Here is just a brief synopsis of events, and details of some of the heroes (and zeros) of the festival:
In an event that was highly paced and fun-packed from start to finish, the Maxi Family kept us sustained with high-energy hockey fodder. Francis had eight blokes round her house on Friday and Saturday night. The bar committee (Richard, Alick, David et al) kept the Purple nasties flowing all night, despite a rumour of a cider and small change shortfall. DJ Smooth Andy Bartlett supplied liquid sounds throughout the day to go with the liquid hockey on the pitch. JT impressed the watching Olympic selection committee with an amazing backflip. Snazzlepuss turned down the advances of at least 6 young ladies on the dancefloor in exchange for a spot under the blanket. Alan cleaned, mopped, wiped, shined, vacuumed, captained, played and snogged - mere mortals could only look on in astonishment. Phil Goode never got to open the extra car park (maybe next year Phil). John Lovell spent the entire weekend awake, fiddling around the clubhouse with a watering can full of Purple, and a hangover. Johnny Crane did the same - but with a smaller hangover. Browner is married now. Brad put a huge amount of effort into the event, but decided to leave just when the sun came out (is this man a Vampire?). Conrad fed the 5,000 (and more) and provided the end-of-festival entertainment, even with a bad back. Man of the festival has to be Mingle - who volunteered to clean the (blocked) gents' toilet on Saturday evening. Arse of the tournament goes to Nosher for throwing up into the waste bin, and spending over an hour mopping the same 2 square yards of floor space with a bucket of liquid mud - wondering why it wasn't getting cleaner ............and finally, the Sons of Tarzan beat the BHC Dream Team in the men's final. But we were never there for the hockey now, were we?
(On a totally serious note we must record appreciation of Brad Rehling (in particular) and his organising group, Conrad De Souza and David Maltman and Alick King who seemed to spend an unbroken 24 hours behind the bar. Thanks also to the many others who contributed to this Club success. Ed.)
LETTER TO THE EDITOR

Roddy
An old BHC member, Jon Stonham, is living in Hong Kong at the moment and is looking to host an Easter 1999 hockey festival. probably some form of mixed hockey on astro and the usual social arrangements. Nothing is firm at the moment as he is just checking out interest. Would there be any ?

Congratulations on the 1st XI promotion I play for Winchester now as that is where I live so we will be playing you next year, hopefully away as it would be good to see the old faces. regards to JB et al.

Justin Brooking
J1BROOKING@aol.com
tel no. 01962 841 641

[If you are interested in finding out more details either contact Justin yourself or let me know and I will get back to him - Ed]

OTHER FESTIVAL REPORTS

Outcasts at Thanet ‘98 Standing (L-R): Stuart Craig, Neil Harvey, James Talbot, Robert Dawbarn, Mark Bilham, Simon Rous, Chris Brown. Kneeling : Aidan Callaghan, Roddy Harrington, Chris Bernard, Alex Hall and Paul Haynes.

A thoroughly enjoyable weekend. We were successful on the pitch where we played some good hockey (too good for one opposition goalkeeper who threw his stick down and stormed off the pitch in a huff when we scored against him), and even more successful in the casino. The weather was good, Stuart moaned a lot, Aidan kept his tongue to himself (to the disappointment of the elderly lady he had got to know last year) and Neil was awarded Heathen of the Season. After having been banned from hotels we were staying at the previous two years, we managed to get invited back this year - either we’re getting old and sensible or Rob Dawbarn must have paid them off.

Results: Saturday: vs Gardeners won 1-0 (Rous), vs The Bishops won 3-2 (Brown, Hall, Rous), vs Gamekeepers won 2-1 (Talbot, Brown). Sunday vs. Hon Gentlemen lost 3-4 (Brown (p), Hall, Dawbarn), vs KCH Exiles won 3-1 (Hall, Rous, Dawbarn) Mixed Worthing Well you thought that the 1996 'Twitty from City' tour was splendid, and that the 1997 'Naked Man on Seafront' Tour was fantastic - well Worthing 1998 was the ultimate tourtastic festival seen this century. We were served a double dose of fantasy football. Not only did the mighty Gunners win the Championship, but lightning did in fact strike twice, and the famous Man City plummeted closer to the Vauxhall Conference. This event was made even more brilliant by the fact that Mr.Talbot actually thought that they had stayed up (again!), beating Stoke City away from home. What he didn't realise that Pompey and Port Vale had also done the business away from home. Oh what a perfect day. Mr. Walton (Davinia to his friends) did not see the funny side of being woken up with a bottle of Soda water (well sleeping on tour is strictly forbidden). The following chain of events are now engraved in the hallowed corridors of BHC history.

Ladies and Gentlemen,
Stand on you chairs, raise your nasties to the ceiling and behold something that mere mortals like you and I can only dream about.............................the complete rendition of the Worthing Wigflinging Rhapsody. For anyone who is new to what has been going on, please bear with me, and I think that the words of the song speak for themselves. But first a word from the maestro himself ............I give you The Man In Pants himself, Larry the Snazzle Bagpuss Cat..................... (Huge cheers follow) Following on from the superb songmanship of Mr. Miller a full transcript of the Wigflinging Rhapsody has come into my possesion, and I could not hold it back from the public any longer, so here in all it's original glory is the full version............................ [well a taster of it - full version on the 'On tour' page of the web site - Ed]

Wigflinging Rhapsody

Is this my real life?
Am I really a trannie?
Caught in trap between, what's normal, what's fantasy.
Open your eyes, I'm made up to the nines you'll see.
I'm just a whore boys, a cheap two bit floosie,
because I'm easy come, easy go, skirts too high tops too low, anyway the wind blows doesn't really matter
to me, to me

Mama, just flicked a wig
put my hand across his head'cos of soda in my bed
Mama the fun had just begun
but now I've gone and thrown the wig away Mama, ohohohhoh
didn't mean to make it fly
I sometimes wish I never got up at all
I'll carry on, carry on,
pretend nothing really happened.

I'm just a sad boy, nobody loves me
(he's just a sad case from a hockey family,
sharing a room with a bloke dressed like me).
Easy come, easy go, teeth as white as snow
Buy a round Nosh - NO! the money never goes, (white as snow) Buy a round Nosh - NO! the money never goes, (white as snow) Buy a round Nosh - NO! the money never goes, (white as snow)
I never let it go, never let it go (I never, never, never let it go) No,no,no,no,no,no,no
I am Nosh and I only buy drinks for me,
for me, for meeeeeeeeeeee

So you think you can splash me with soda whilst in bed I lie
So you think I won't get you and leave you to cry
Oh ladies, Man in Pants and three ladies
you better get out, you'd better get right out of here.
No one really mattersany
one can see
No one really matters
No one really matters, but me

Thank you to everyone who contributed to the king of tours. Once again Blackheath stole the show, but Cat Burglar left early so he missed it!
FOOTNOTE - Hockey played (Minutes) : Miller 0 , Talbot 0, Walton 0, Cat Burglar 10, Bartlett 14 (The rest of the team failed to qualify, all having played more than 15 minutes of hockey on tour - very poor!) Report by Steve Miller.

CAPTIONS PLEASE