Welcome to the new Bulletin under new management. All the regular features will appear, along with some new ones to frustrate and delight. The Bulletin will be a lot more provocative and probably offend those people who do not have a sense of humour. So if you can't take a joke, you had better stop reading now. You have been warned!
Remember that its your Bulletin, and it can only work if members
contribute. If you have a point to raise, don't sit and whine about it,
send in a letter and create some constructive debate. If you want character
assassination of a team mate, let me have the gossip. Anonymity of the
contributor can be arranged!
Contributions can be sent in by post to c/o Steve Miller, 44 Dartmouth
Court, Dartmouth Grove, Greenwich SE10 8AT. You can fax me at work on 0171
608 1224. e.mail me steve@type.co.uk (a preferable method). You can
scribble something out on the back of a beer mat and give it to me in the
bar if you like. In fact, it doesn't matter how you get me the information,
just get me the information!
The clubhouse available for non-club events. This is a useful source of income. In the first instance, contact Glenn Snashell who is currently obtaining the appropriate license should anyone wish to get married in the club house (particularly useful for players who wish to avoid the inconvenience of missing a match because of their wedding). Editor's note - I hope you're reading this Shakey!
Did you know there is a new bar committee looking at ways to improve the bar? Rav is the man to approach with your ideas.
For those who didn't know, the oldest hockey club in the world is probably one of the most technically minded thanks mainly to Roddy Harrington who maintains the clubs very own internet site on the World Wide Web at the following: http://lewisham.gov.uk/sports/blackheath-hc/ take a look at it if you get the chance. The Bulletin will be appearing on the internet, so anyone from around the world can catch up with what's going on at the club. There is also a healthy interchange of jokes, gossip and news via e.mail in what's been named the 'Blackheath Network' if you what to join in with the growing number of Tech Heads (no I said "Tech") in the club, e.mail me on steve@type.co.uk
The first event of the hockey calender was the Barn Dance kindly organised by the ladies section. No one ever did tell me who to thank for a great evening so to whoever it was - 'thanks'. Most people made at least one venture on to the dance floor from the safe confines of the bar, even if it was just to bump into everyone in a drunken stagger (yes I am talking about you Mr. Angear!).
David Hardwick's surprise 60th birthday was a huge success. I counted at least 90 people sat down eating, plus plenty more hanging around the bar. Great work by the immortal JB for organising the whole show. We hope to see the 'Ode' in print soon!
Sam's Birthday Party. Saturday 26th October. Come and celebrate the coming of age of Sam the Man at the clubhouse.
Club Dinner. Thursday 21st November at NatWest Bank. After the huge success of last year's festivities (particularly the apre-dinner festivities at the Lazy Toad nite spot), this is definitely the one to take the Friday off from work.
Quiz Night and Curry Saturday 7th December at the club. Another huge night based more on the abuse that flies between each of the players than the cerebral aptitude of the teams.
Christmas Concert.Saturday 14th December at the Club. Carols, mince pies and all the other festive stuff.
BHC Presents.... A Chunky Christmas and a Pineapple New Year. Saturday 21st December at the club. No way Boyzone; up yours 3T; and no thanks Spice Girls, we've got our own pop sensation thank you very much! Come and see them play live, and girls, bring plenty of underwear to throw on stage.
Valentines Disco. 14th February - of course!
After the trials we spent a long time deliberating over every player in the club, and tried to put every player in their appropriate pool. In a frantic week of shuffling players around, we were able to create a new side, named the 4A's jointly captained by Rod Harrington and Rob Dawbarn. We ask that players be prepared to be flexible, particularly at the beginning of the season, since there will be a fair amount of doubling up and umpiring to be done. The Selection Committee thank you in advance for your assistance.
The selection committee will meet every fortnight throughout the season so there will be plenty of scope for players to move up (and down) sides. This is particularly important for those players who might not find themselves in the appropriate team at the beginning of the season. Remember - your Skipper is watching you. Whilst we are delighted to be able to run another side, it is vital that we encourage new members to the club at any every level. If you know someone that might be interested in playing hockey at Blackheath - grab them before they go and join Bromley or Beckenham (just the thought makes me sick). No longer is recruitment down to individuals, it is the responsibility of all club members. Many thanks to Conrad who has been fielding calls from interesting parties and passing them my details. We also ask that players make themselves as available as possible for Saturday matches, and that trivial activities like birthdays, weddings, christenings, and other non-hockey matters be postponed to Sundays. SM
Beat the deadline and get your subs to your Captain by the end of October to save £10. Post dated cheques are an easy option.
A few captains did not take the Bulletin's Editor threat seriously that they didn't present a match report, I had to make one up based on what I heard in the bar. Having said that, you might not spot the difference!
1st XI versus Old Williamsonians 28/9/96 Lost 2-1
Not much to say about this one. The best performance of the day seemed to be Brad's bollocking of the team at the end of the match which seemed to do the trick in the next match. Perhaps he could be drafted in for the 2nd XI full time talks. The guys started well with Chris Brown scoring an unbelievable goal. Unbelievable in that he could stand given his state the night before.
1st XI versus The Mid-Sussex Tavern won 7-2
The 1st XI made an emphatic start in their quest for the Kent/Sussex Premier League title with a resounding 7-2 victory over The Mid-Sussex Tavern, a team they drew 1-1 with last season.
Brad Rehling commented: "Our poor display in pre-season friendlies was probably just the tonic the team needed. Blackheath entered the match badly needing to taste victory. It seemed to do the trick, I hope the boys can keep it up all season".
Four of the goals were scored by Johnny Couves on his new high energy diet of scampi fries and Red Stripe lager. Two came from the seventeen year old child protege Jeremy Layton - a product of the youth training policy at Blackheath. The final goal was scored by Alex Moat who just happened to be passing at the time.
Roll on next week's match against the Sevenoaks Arms
Hockey Association Cup 1st Round. 1st XI Versus Wokingham (Away) Won 2-3
Blackheath turned out with 5 of the 1st Team squad missing, against Wokingham from the Southern Premier division, a side who are situated in the league above Blackheath. Ably guided by a coaching team of Brad Rehling and John Bartlett, the lads did the club proud in the first round of the Hockey equivalent of the FA Cup.
A notable first appearance from Steve Liddle, a Lieutenant in the Royal Marines who travels to Blackheath from Plymouth each weekend to play for the club. Nick named 'The Exocet', Steve put his commando fitness to good use by scoring the first goal Blackheath. Another notable debut for Paul, who, between gasping for breath, opened his account for the club despite having a year off through injury. Jeremy Layton added to his recent brace of goals superbly.
Blackheath go into the 2nd round at home against Middleton (near Bognor) on the 27th October at Lloyds Banks astro turf.
1st XI Versus Sevenoaks (Home) Lost 0-2
A bitterly dissapointing match, and the first defeat against Sevenoaks for as long as anyone could remember. Despite the number of short corners reaching double figures, and being virtually camped out in the opposition half for the first 35 minutes, Blackheath failed to take their chances. Much to learn from this match, and in particular a great deal of work required on the Blackheath defence.
1st XI Versus Eastbourne (Away) Won 0-6
Blackheath Hockey Club capped a weekend of league success with a Kent Cup victory over Gravesend.
On Saturday, a young Blackheath side accomplished their second league win of the season by beating newly promoted Eastbourne 6-0. Alex Moat opened the scoring from a crisply struck penalty corner.
Blackheath's nerves were settled shortly after when Eastbourne conceded a penalty flick which was swiftly converted by Johnny Couves.
They continued strongly in the second half, outplaying their opposition and slotting home four more goals in the process. These included second goals for both Moat and Couves, plus a goal each for Jeremy Layton and Chris Brown.
Kent Cup. 1st XI Versus Gravesend (Away) Won 1-5
Blackheath followed this emphatic win to progress into the second round of the Kent Cup. Five different players claimed a goal apiece to sink an overworked Gravesend side, and bring a smile to the face of Team Manager Brad Rehlling.
2nd XI versus Slough 28/9/96 Lost 1-0
2nd XI versus Indian Gymkhana 5/10/96 Lost 4-0
A dreadful result for the 2nd XI, particularly since Indian Gymkhana only had 9 players, and a kicking back. Much of the match was spent camped out in the Gym half, but the team failed to to convert a number of opportunities including a penalty stroke which was deflected by a passing albatross. Indian Gym got their act together in the second half with four quick goals. One scored in the final seconds of the match off the head of Andy Bartlett.
3rd XI Versus Waltham Forest 28/9/96 Won 7-0 (or was it 8?)
The score didn't really matter in this match which was dreadfully mis-matched despite giving them Cleall. Despite the opposition not having a goalkeeper, we were only 2-0 up at half time. So as a bit of encouragement we gave them Danny Osborne and played without a keeper. We then went to score 4 (or was it 5?) in the second half. They didn't come back to the bar.
In a match which carried the walking wounded of Chris Brown's leaving drinks the night before, it gave us an excuse to try out a short corner routine, and practice hitting the ball past the goal post and on to the track at Southwark Park. Star man was Domonic Angear who scored a hatrick, knocked down a bottle of wine in 10 minutes and slept in his car - all on his debut. Phil Hames thought it a good opportunity to slide about on Southwark's 'water based astro, and couldn't work out why he had third degree burns the next morning.
3rd XI Versus Indian Gymkhana 5/10/96 Lost 6-2
First some match statistics:
Leading goal scorers (alphabetically) : Miller, Walton
Ratio shots on target / goals scored : Miller 100% Walton 100%
Timings: Walton : 18 mins, Miller: 63 Mins
Fastest goal in the match: Walton
Fastest goal in the first half: Walton
Fastest goal in the second half: Miller
Fastest league goals for season: Walton, Miller
Sounds good doesn't it? Well it was horrible!
Ed Watson's Blue and Red army spent the first 5 minutes literally camped in their 'D' but could not stick one in. Combined with serious of defensive errors, the Indian Gym fought, spat, pushed, bullied and bruised their way to a crushing victory of a demoralised 3rd XI.
To add insult to injury, they made us change in a cramped portacabin with cold showers. Oh, to be back at Rubens Street with the smell of warm bread pudding and the taste of Speckled Hen.
Many lessons learnt, and a baptism of fire for Ed's first league match at the helm. Well at least it can't get any worse. And hopefully Indian Gym will go the same way as Slough 3rd XI.
3rd XI versus Purley 12/10/96 Lost 1-0
Well it was certainly a vast improvement on the previous week's scoreline, and somewhat dissapointing for the 3rds who had most of the chances. It was fairly obvious that Purley had loaded there team with 2nd XI players who pulled out against the Blackheath second XI earlier in the week.
The Purley goalkeeper defied numerous laws of physic by keeping out a number of master-blaster from messers Golbey and Angear. Purley scored from a shot off a short corner which was going nowhere near the backboard before being ricochet into the roof of the net.
Many thanks to Dave Golbey and Martin Avis for helping out thanks to the non-appearance of Muddy and Terry. Thanks also to Phil for his astute umpiring.
Still, it beats being thrashed by 4 goals. Look out Beckenham.
4th XI versus Hounslow 28/9/96 Lost 6-0
Another non-match reporter, Craig Perry picked up his new team of odds and sods, and pitched them against the mighty Hounslow. Much like the Scottish football team against the superior English, Craig's team were systematically taken apart by a well organised Hounslow side who took no pity on our quivering tartan hero.
Later, Craig was heard in the Blackheath bar, whilst drinking his lager shandy, boasting
"At least this will be the worst defeat we'll have all season!"
My advice to you Craig is that you've got more chance of winning if you paint yourself blue and wave your bottoms at the opposition! - Ed.
4th XI Versus Indian Gymkhana 5/10/96 lost 10 (yes that's TEN) - 0
Craig's blue army let the first two goals in whilst our tartan hero was baring his bottom and ranting
"You can take our dignity, you can our pride, but you can never take our Maisey!"
Once he had calmed down and re-grouped his men, the serious business started of conceding a goal at an average of every 7 minutes throughout the match. Not much to go on to explain the scoreline.
Rumors in the bar were that half the team had nipped off at half time for a fag, and had forgotten the way back. Never mind Craig, surely it can't get worse.....or can it?
Editors note: If any other captains would like to be systematically humiliated within the pages of the Bulletin, please don't send me any match reports, and I'll see what I can arrange.
Heathens v Old Reigatians Lost 0-1 As the team managed to drag themselves away from the bar, there was general feeling this would be another comfortable victory.
We got a rude awakening however as Old Reigatians proved to be pretty tough opposition.
It was a very close game that could have gone either way, but in the end it was decided by a scrappy goal coming from a goalmouth scramble. Our new fullbacks Paul and Neil both performed well and young Andrew Cobb had an excellent game in goal.
5th XI vs Templars 28/9/96 Drew 1:1 This was a combined effort with the Heathens. We did quite well considering that one half of the team was a stranger to the other half. The opposition was a pretty useful side and very sporting too. So it turned out to be a pleasant start to the season. David Cobb got the equaliser with a penalty corner.
Many thanks to Neil and Ravi for umpiring.
5th XI vs Maidstone 4 5/10/96 Won 5-1
Had only six of the Fifth X1 players but was helped out by the Vets.(2) Glen and Alex and Danny Mitchell (kicking back) Rob Harrison and Mark O'Brien, the last three forming a credible defence with D Cobb and Alex. This enabled us to let loose our "killer" youngsters led by Bob Heath and Glen on the unsuspecting opposition.
They hammered away until James Maltman got his first goal. From then on it was a matter of time before we netted the others. Totalling Maltman: 2 Sunny Kalsi: 1 D. Cobb : 2.
This report also marks the debut of a very promising fourteen year old Stefan Malcolm. He has been attending the Sunday Youth training sessions regularly for the last two years and is now ready to make he big leap into adult hockey. He played a blinder in his first real match.
James also had a brilliant game while Sunny put in a credible performance even after being knackered helping the Heathens out earlier in the afternoon.
Special thanks to Brad for umpiring and all the others for helping out.
Vets Versus Spencer 28/9/96 lost 1-4
Despite the introduction of two new members (i.e. Couves and Rhelling) the Vets produced a performance that was par for the course.
An early bonus was the departure of Haytor to Spencer, but JB cancelled out this early advantage.
Our defence was static, the midfield unfit, the forward line lacking mobility- only Kieth in goal looked at home. But no fear, its early days and the Vets are bound to raise to the occasion in the distant future. We decided to follow the first XI example of banning sex on Friday nights, and Saturday if later we won.
Veterans V Sevenoaks 5/10/96 Won 2-1
While Snashall and Jedrosz were having goals disallowed on the adjoining pitch, Lewis (first of the season) and Gilbert (first for the club) demonstrated how to score legally.
Other chances were created mainly through the efforts of Duncan Jones, performing for the Vets for the first time, but unfortunately were not converted.
Meanwhile at the other end Elliott thwarted all attacks on his goal and were it not for a deflection off the Captains stick would have kept a clean sheet. Excellent performance with JB controlling substitutions admirably and Mr. EAY King administering the game splendidly.
Veterans versus Cheam 12/10/96 Lost 1-7
Without a Bal or Colin this was always going to be a difficult game but
then a number number of things conspired against us:
(1) Having to share the dressing room with a football team, their team
talk, and what Tim Flynn told us was the smell of lineament.
(2) Retrieving our ball from the football game on the adjoining pitch (who
would have thought that Cheam would have surrendered their best pitch to
football)
(3) No oranges at half time
(4) The eclipse of the sun.
(5) An opposition which exploited the no offside rule to the full and who
were all much better than us.
Still, an enjoyable afternoon out with everyone performing to their ability and Glenn Snashall scoring a consolation goal. Thanks to JB for umpiring despite feeling under the weather and to Sebastian Jones for stepping in when (a) Aleks Jedrosz arrived late, and (b) when the aforementioned limped off.
Dear Sir,
I wonder if through your columns I could seek guidance regarding a problem that has occurred in the Vets. The problem is one which in financial circles is what I think is called asset stripping.
We had a squad member who until last Saturday's auction was hockey's equivalent to Shearer. However, while he was at a reunion of his his youth club his wife, no doubt under instructions from persons, secreted out of the house the Snashall Tracksuit.
Naturally there was much demand for the garment from lesser players in the hope that some magic would rub off. The tracksuit was snapped up and I now have a difficulty of placing a value on the player minus garment, would £1 be a suitable amount?
A concerned Captain.
Dear Concerned,
Yes you were right to voice your concern, particularly in this word of fast and furious astro turf hockey where this week's leading goalscorer, can be next week's clapped out pianist.
I say take pity on the guy, and see him not as a cash cow, but as a little something to save for a rainy day.
Ed.
We asked some new members what their first impressions were of Blackheath Hockey club.
"What a bunch of wasters Blackheath Hockey Club has in its ranks. It seems like its the same individuals who do all the work.
I have just come from Meopham Hockey club where everyone leant a hand. Everyone is very unfriendly apart from this very nice chap called David Haytor whom I can listen to for hours. He is very knowledgeable about the game of hockey. There should be more people like David around - that would sort the club out.
By the way the reason that I left Meopham Hockey Club is due to me moving job, and has nothing to do with groundsman's alsation which was just a misunderstanding. Barry Brand, former Meopham Hockey Club Member.
"I like to get completely pissed on a Friday night, and I can barely hold a stick, which I thought might be a bit of a problem joining a hockey club like Blackheath. Luckily I watched the 1st XI play against Old Williamsonians - so I'll think that I'll fit in just fine" Dave Wakefield, New Member
"I joined the club because I fancy Rob and Neil Thompson's sister". Mark Osborne, formally at Aldershot Hockey Club.
"I returned to Blackheath because I was bored of spending Saturday afternoons getting drunk, leaving the car at the pub, and then fetching it the next day. At least at Blackheath I know that they'll pitch Andy Rose's car first." Murrey Robinson
This is a new column which picks out the winners and losers when it come to the credibility stakes.
Danny Mitchell for proclaiming that he was going to head the social committee, and then doing bugger all. Come on Danny, pull your finger out and come to committee meetings. Complete arse mate!
My Left Foot - By James Talbot. The Twitty from City treats his new girlfriend to an afternoon at Rubens Street only to get hit with the ball in the first 15 seconds, drags her to hospital to find there is nothing wrong with it, and then miss the following two weeks matches. Complete arse mate!
The ladies section for not submitting any match reports for the Bulletin. Complete arse girls!
Last minute news...we received some match reports from the 4th XI ladies which will be in the next Bulletin. So its only the 1st, 2nd & 3rd XI's who are complete arse.
Chris Brown for drinking 16 pints of lager, going clubbing until 4.00 am, and still scoring the only goal against Old Williamsonians. Good work fella.
Roddy Harrington for jointly captaining the 4A's despite spending the last year trying to escape from committee activities. Good work fella!
Graig Perry for letting Indian Gymkhana play without a goalkeeper, rather than taking the points, and then getting thrashed 10-0. Good work fella! But you should take a leaf out of Scotland's book and not play the opposition at all if you can help it.
Miller and Walton for scoring the only goals against Indian Gymkhana having spent the night before in the Hammersmith Palais. Good work fellas!
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