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Mens 2nd XI - Match centre

Old Bordenians 2
Blackheath & Elthamians 2
Unknown (49' )
Full time
D Bateman (6' , 36' ), P Marwaha (17' , 44' ), E Thorogood (27' )
Sat 9 Feb 13:00 - Men's South Hockey League - Kent Division 1



2nd XI win 5-1 away with an IKEA inspired Friday night.

Don’t get me wrong. I love the meat balls at IKEA and the mash, come to mention it the sauce is pretty nice too. I just feel sorry for the people that have to endure a trip around, what can only be described as, the one way system from hell. An abominably satanic mix of instruction booklets and Allen keys fused together by £1.50 rugs and candles for days. When you leave there all you have is a paper tape measure that has managed to tear its self in half, 23 mini pencils for golf, when you only play once a year, a pot plant that was never discussed and a dime bar cake (although this is the greatest invention of all time!)

Your emotional and tired. But all in all, those sweedish little bundles of meaty goodness make the whole experience worth forward 15 hours or so and the feeling would be that much sweeter.

50% of the squad had arrived in Sittingbourne early doors to take on the Sainsbury’s breakfast. Sausage baguette and a black coffee, £5.25 for exactly what it said on the tin. The irony being we could have bough 48 sausages, a disposable bbq, 2 French sticks and 3 months worth of coffee from the isles just a few steps away, for the £20 Fowler, Edd, Rob and Uncle Dean parted with between them.

By the by, it was on to the ladies 1’s game and as the wind slowed things down, the excitement grew as they dispatched OB’s 3-1 and laid the platform for our display.

To the warm up as Slacky’s belting tunes played out, the coach was still on his way from IKEA, he had taken a £9 bell jar (ideal for parties) to the face as he tried to decipher if he wanted a 4 or 8 cubby shoe rack for the hall. As Jade suffered the burden of flat packs and cheap furnishings, the rest of us gleefully played piggy in the middle with the 1 ball we found at the bottom of Slacky’s bag.

Let’s get this show on the road. BE had the ball from minute 1 to minute 70 with brief inter spurts of home side possession. This was as dominating as it comes and, as the lads poured forward, Dan Batman (slight name change but sounds so
Much better) weaselled his way into the D and drag slotted the ball in the middle 90. 1-0. Game over.

The 2nd was something of pure liquid genius. ‘Pants down, your the loser’ was the call from the home bench and BE obliged. Michell (irish), Dawson (RAF), Fowler (Mint) Dawson (still RAF) and Thorogood (Poacher) all combined in a jaw dropping, slick feat that had the ladies cooing. Even Prem (DOTD) couldn’t miss the simplest of tap ins to put the boys 2-0 up and cruising.

Shortly after the Dr and the Poacher combined and as the interplay got better and better, Dr Slack smashed one across the D and the Poacher (Edd) flung himself at it to deflect mid air at the same time as
Mimicking something out of Saving Private the gun shot sounds rang out, the boys headed for the shelter of the dug out 3-0 HT

11 seconds into the 2nd half, Slack robbed the back 4, Batman swooped, 1-2....1-2, ‘Pants down your the loser’ 4-0 Thank you Sittingbourne ‘good night’.

The 5th again was a thing of beauty as the midfield and forward line combined in more Samba hockey, to get Prem on the end of a deflection, his miss trap beating the keeper who rightly never thought he would put one on target. 5-0. We were having a Bingo party.

We let it slip somewhat. A bit casual. Hammy’s and Groins started to ping and fatigue set in. We even let them have 1.

Dan Batman was named MOTM for some lovely fancy stuff.

Prem DOTD, Just because.

Everyone played well, was a joy of a game, Jade can tuck into meatballs #2, nursing his cut but happy with the points. the Bay come to the meadow next week. Watch out, this will be a belter.

Key moments

Goal Danyon Bateman scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
Goal Prem Marwaha scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
Goal Edd Thorogood scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
Goal Danyon Bateman scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
Goal Prem Marwaha scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
Goal Goal for Old Bordenians 2


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49:00 Goal 1 - 5
Goal for Old Bordenians 2
44:00 Goal 0 - 5
Prem Marwaha scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
36:00 Goal 0 - 4
Danyon Bateman scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
End of period 1
27:00 Goal 0 - 3
Edd Thorogood scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
17:00 Goal 0 - 2
Prem Marwaha scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
6:00 Goal 0 - 1
Danyon Bateman scores for Blackheath & Elthamians 2
Start of the game
Replay game

As it happened

  • Old Bordenians 2
  • Blackheath & Elthamians 2
  • 0
  • Danyon Bateman Goal 6:00'
  • Prem Marwaha Goal 17:00'
  • Edd Thorogood Goal 27:00'
  • Danyon Bateman Goal 36:00'
  • Prem Marwaha Goal 44:00'
  • Goal 49:00'

Team selection

Kelly, James Kelly, James
Catmur, Fergus Catmur, Fergus
Kitchen, Crispin Kitchen, Crispin
Stafford, Ben Stafford, Ben
Hughes, Rob Hughes, Rob
Dawson, Tom Dawson, Tom
Mitchell, Calum Mitchell, Calum
Ivens, Oliver Ivens, Oliver
Fowler, Chris Fowler, Chris
Thorogood, Edd Thorogood, Edd
Marwaha, Prem Marwaha, Prem

League round up

Other Kent Division 1 results

Ashford 2
Cliftonville 1
Gore Court 2
Sevenoaks 3
Herne Bay 1
Canterbury [4] 3
Holcombe [4] 2a
University of Kent 1
Maidstone 2
Burnt Ash 2


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League table

# Team Pl Pts
1. Blackheath & Elthamians 2 22 55
2. Canterbury [4] 3 7 16
3. Herne Bay 1 7 15
4. Maidstone 2 7 10
5. Sevenoaks 3 6 9
6. Gore Court 2 6 7
7. Ashford 2 7 6

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