MORNING GLORY & TWO FLAT TYRES

MATCH REPORT: ALI BASHMENT

Don't be fooled by the result. This was not a well earned 6-1 victory against the Mighty 3s but a pretty pointless and hollow affair that merely served to give the Old Wills Skipper something to get excited about in the bar afterwards.

With no relegations in this league due to the low number of teams participating and neither team able to get promoted it was a 'dead rubber' in terms of league standings but a good competitive game of hockey was still hopefully on the menu. However, the day began to unravel when the Skipper took a call as the team arrived informing him that GK Gobbler (David Golbey) had not one puncture but two! On leaving his house The Catford Gigolo noticed that somebody had apparently driven nails into his tyres. Sabotage from former Blackheath member Neil Thompson? (now Old Willies Chairman). Vandalism from the Lewisham Yute? An awful building accident from a blind construction worker? We won't delve into the personal nature of this affair but suffice to say ...." Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned...." may be the answer we're looking for. Unfortunately for the Mighty 3s he was going nowhere and neither was the GK kit in his boot. With the loss of another player earlier and now this the lads were down to a bare 11 with no GK and no GK kit and nobody with any GK exp.

Not a problem we thought as we saw the Old Willies 3rd team enter the closing stages of their match on the pitch before us. A polite request to the OWHC 2s Skipper to ask their young 3s GK if he would help us out and go in goal to enable us to play a good and fair game is all that would be required - after all there was nothing of league importance at stake except pride.
But we didn't bank on a spot of mean spirited, selfish and in the Clubs eyes unsportsmanlike behaviour from the Oppo Captain as he point blank refused to let us use the eager young OWHC Keeper. He stated " This is a league game. I'm trying to get something going here (currently 8th in a 9 team league suggests the going bit is yet to get going!) and if the lad has a really good game I'll never live it down. I'll ask him if you can borrow his kit though?" A poor response.
"Lend us the GK and lets have a proper game?" we appealed but it fell on deaf and belligerent ears. So it was that the young OWHC GK (who was keen to help) de-robed and handed over is kit for one lucky BOE player to make his GK debut.

With a series of blank faces or outright rejections greeting the Skipper when the GK role was discussed the Chairman & Club Captain fell on his sword and volunteered to don the pads. Prior to this the teams best player had put himself forward but this was quite rightly seen as false economy. So with several mishaps donning the kit and approx 2mins of warm-up a clueless GK took to the field with 10 lads determined to do their best.

Needless to say the least said about the game the better. OWHC were a GK better than the lads on this occasion.
A huge defensive blunder in the first minute by Skipper Ram Basra and Matt Wilde in nets allowed the OLWHC CF to tap the ball over the line after he stole the ball from the Skipper 1 metre from goal and the debut GK who was still getting orientated left a huge gap between him and the post which he believed he had covered. He also says he was confident that Ram had the situation under control but of course didn't bank on the Old Willies reach around which robbed Ram of his jewel. 0-1 down. A sign of things to come.
The second OWHC goal came from a penalty corner whereupon the Oppo No 10 waltzed all the way down the middle evading lunging tackles. The BOE GK lunged forward attempting to tackle him using his stick (obvs us your legs!) and fell over (obvs stay on your feet!) which enabled the player to dink it over the crest fallen Wilde. 0-2. It was going to be a long afternoon.

However what followed was a rallying response from the BOE lads who knew that if they'd had a proper GK and somebody on the bench they could turn over the Old Willies team who apart from a decent No 10 in the middle of the field were not a strong outfit. This hard work resulted in a good passing team goal which dissected the Old Willies defence and Chris Brown swept the ball home. 1-2 BOEHC were playing some good hockey but it was panic stations in our D as the debutant GK continued to fall over, save the ones he should leave and continue to try and use his stick. Comical. How we reached half-time only 1-2 down is a miracle.

The second half is best left as a brief mention. Although the lads began the half thinking they could get something out of the match as the team that was playing the more constructive and attractive hockey but the intensity and pace couldn't be maintained. The BOE lads ran and ran but.... ran out of gas as nobody could relieve them off the bench. They were knackered. OWHC resorted to just drilling the ball at the hapless BOE GK at every opportunity. In fairness he made a few good saves but bread and butter saves for any trained GK were not achieved and a further 4 goals snuck past a demoralised Keeper. Old Willies were delighted with their goal feast and the whoops of the assembled Old Willies Ladies awaiting their game filled the Oppo with immense bravery and Samba Hockey Skills Rochester Style with reverse hits and everything were attempted. Not on target or executed well but attempted. Spellbinding stuff. The as expected verbals and cards when playing Old Willies and Messer Thompson also made an appearance to spice things up as the game ebbed and flowed to its conclusion.

The Old Willies Captain secured his meaningless victory and had the confidence to face his teammates in the bar and haul themselves to the giddy height of 7th on goal difference - one below our 'impressive' 6th place. Not a particularly fun afternoon for those BOE lads involved with a disappointing lack of sportsmanship and generosity on display that hockey usually prides itself on. We will endeavour to learn from the experience and ensure we act in an honourable way when ever faced with the same situation. We also all have a new found respect for GK's - noting that its flipping' difficult. Helmets off to you lads. One game left. Let's hope this is more fun and a little more classy.