GOALS GALORE AT THE MEADOW

How many times do I have to warn you? How many times do I have to open a match report with this played-out gambit? How poorly do I need to describe a match before you'll learn your lesson?

I can picture those of you who have read my match reports before starting to remember. The dawning realisation that there will be no written record of your contribution to the game. The sinking feeling that only comes from an un-massaged ego crying out for recognition. No mentions of work-rate, monster aerials or defence-splitting passes. No description of silky skills, thumping tackles or all-round man of the match performances. Cue Chris Fowler, Marly Jones and Rob Hughes starting to panic and scan through the article for their names to be mentioned again- tough luck boys.

For the uninitiated, pettiness and apathy (on my part), have led to the development of deliberately poor match reports in a vain attempt to be left unburdened with this particular task in future. As people only ever read these bulletins for self-indulgent reasons, any mention of personal achievement (bar goals scored) is stripped away, leaving an empty husk of a match report.

And I always say- if you want a proper match report doing, don't make me do it...

0-1: Mid Sussex open the scoring

1-1: Edd Thorogood equalises (can't remember how)

2-1: Prem Marwaha deflects in to give Blackheath the lead

2-2: MS equalise

3-2: Blackheath re-take the lead through a Michael Lawrence drag flick

HALF TIME

3-3: MS equalise again from a penalty flick

3-4: MS take the lead

Still 3-4: Prem Marwaha misses a flick

4-4: Tom Archer scores his best ever goal (6/10 in all honesty)

5-4: Michael Lawrence wins the game from a well worked short corner routine

Final Score:

Blackheath & Elthamians 2nd XI 5-4 Mid Sussex 1st XI

MOTM: Chris Fowler- got more votes than anyone else

DOTD: Prem Marwaha- awful flick