Age Before Beauty

“Oh Brother, Where art thou?”

Previously I wrote to you about the big November challenge. 5 Matches on the calendar against teams in the Top 6 of the league. Would your newly formed 2nd XI be able to handle the stress? Able to cope with the pressure of being the 'Galacticos'. A team formed of the best bunch of individuals the hockey world has got to offer? Would your local Ders ‘Ancelotti’ Baillie and Edd ‘Zizou’ Thorogood be able to mould the clearly skillful and talented players into an unbeaten Team?

So - Four matches in Movember with 10 points for your local favourites, and only one umpire that was able to take some points away form us. Yet three more matches (of which one in November is against no3) before we are to ‘sit back’ and enjoy our well earned winter break, festive season of mistletoe and wine, staring at the logs on the fire and gifts on the tree. Asking Edd Thorogood what he would love for Christmas this year, he chanted ‘Top of the League, with class hockey’.

A tough present to ask for knowing that this Saturday we were to play third in the league, Kent Cash Cows ‘Holcombe’, whilst missing 3 of our midfielders, and 6 players in total, including our top goal scorer Thorogood.

“Age is no barrier, it is a limitation you put on your mind”

As the 3s were to play a tough league match against our direct competition Ashford, there was a tough limitation on players that would be able to get on the match sheet. Eventually even going as far as selecting 2s/3s globetrotter James ‘Hemmingway’ Hatcher and 'Lost boy' Archie Bald. Would these former club legends be able to swing once more, without dislocating anything, without having to go straight into surgery for a replacement hip? And would the Vets be jealous that we would now have the oldest forward partnership at average age of 42?

“There may be people that have more talent than you, but there is no excuse for anyone to work harder than you do’

At no point did the fact that we started the match with 6 men down come to our mind as an excuse to come out hard, proud and worthy. Slightly lost by the fact that there would be no Jenga, but pumped by a very strong but short team talk by Derwyn Baillie, and a very highly passionate half hour chat by caffeine injected Mark ‘4 can Redbull’ Ison we got our heads in the right place.

Feeling invincible starting the match, we would soon realize that this was not an easy walkover victory at all. Every line in the team had been altered, and it clearly showed in the first half of the match. Skills and plays that have been mentioned in every sentence when talking about your 2s would have to be reinvented. Stringing passes would be harder, runs would be made but maybe not always the right way. With a very high press, it was clear that Holcombe were not showing up to roll over. These boys would try and make up for losing points the week before against that famous Umpire at NB. Initially your 2s seemed to cope pretty well with the pressure, playing the ball round the back between Ders, Erik De Wit, Ben Rew and local Eltham boy Aran Tanawa. Some strong defending got us out of some tricky Holcombe attacks. And as always, if anything was not picked up, we always had golden gloves Ryan Bishop, who showed why he would walk away with yet another Man Of The Match award.

Pushing forward the magic trio James ‘nNemo’ Morrison, Tom ‘Bambi’ Orange and Andy ‘Danny Glover’ Clover clearly put the miles in, with constant runs, yet it felt that we were not getting forward. Simple stats slowed we had plenty of possession at the start, but 35 minutes in no short corners.

The few occasions we would be able to push forward, there was the awkward ‘first date’ miscommunication between ‘special occasion’ forward line with James Hatcher, Chris Brown, Mark Ison and subs John Townsend and Archie Bald. Golden oldies who would just be a bit unlucky throughout the first 50 minutes of the match. Some chances on both sides, no short corners, a first half where the 2s just didn’t get off the mark, didn’t get our famous combinations of passes going. Something was just missing.

“When you got something to prove, there is nothing greater than a challenge”

Half time couldn’t have come earlier. A much needed chat to get the heads together. Mainly to become a bit more vocal. There was just not enough talking going on. A couple of ‘ego diggs’ by yours truly, ‘not winning will tell the absentees that we can't get a result without them’, ‘playing crap and still in this game’ should normally get us off the mark. Unfortunately we needed the biggest of scaresto open our eyes. On the brink of defeat and with 10 on the pitch it was finally evident that we had to do something to not lose today.

5 minutes earlier, after a 15 minute spell of Holcombe press, the only talented player of Holcombe, no7, sporting a hairband our club hasn’t seen since JB left our magic grounds, slotted a very talented backhand slap into the corner past wrong-footed Ryan Bishop. Clearly a bit frustrated after being pushed over by one of those footballer-turned rugby-turned hockey players, Andy Danny Glover ended up with hands round his neck and scratches all over. Surely a send off would be the only answer by the umpire. Unfortunately, and not completely understandable 10 seconds later both Mike Tindall and Andy were sidelined, making a comeback a tough task for your soon to be legendary 2s even more difficult.

But a few moments of magic, instigated by James Morrison, who only needs 5 minutes a match to prove how big his talent really is (and 65 minutes to make his teammates wonder why he doesn’t do this more often) saw the comeback of comebacks. If a key player of the team in the short corner routine isn’t there, there is no point of getting shorts, must have been the reason behind some quick passing round the D. Some great movement between an incredibly high right back Ben, and Nemo, finding Ison and getting the ball on the stick of Archie got the boys back into the game. Holcombe left fuming. How did they lose against this team that is top of the league, but in no way resembled the unbeaten machine they feared before walking on the pitch. Mistaken by our ‘masquerade’ acting like a crappy team, they pushed forward one more time, creating even more space for our improving forward 6. Some lovely passes between our musical duo James Morrison and Chris Brown ended up with something this club hasn’t seen in about 25, maybe 30 years of hockey at the club: Browner slotting in the winner. After trying to hit past the goalie with some fancy backhanded slaps, and some high shots on the glove, Browner ended this match on a high with a scrappy awkward ball under the diving goalie, 2-1.

“If you cant outplay them, outwork them”.

After the match Browner gave us a bit of history. Apparently the club has been very comfortable in the past winning ugly matches. This season your twos have been playing the best hockey this club has seen in a very long time, so it was a bit of a scary ‘Tight Bum’ (according to sidelined Adam Mulvanny) 70 minutes for your vice-captain, but eventually we could walk of saying that we don’t need our highly missed Edd Thorogood, Dan Moore, Tom Piesold, Greg, 9-PINT noble, Gouchie, Scotty, Adam, etc. Tough day in the office it surely was. But the Champagne afterwards never tasted better. Thank you Browner for amazing hospitality.

Next week will see your twos Army Strong again at full strength, and at the average age your galacticos are famous for. And we need it. Famous the biggest club in the area, Canterbury, who have climbed up the ladder to 3rd after a tough start of the season, your 2s once more need to step up to the plate, and get a result. Only 2 more matches this year before we can grab our blankets for a couple of weekends ‘rest’, enjoying our mulled wines and unbutton our jeans after amazing feasts made by our partners. Let it be an amazing 2 weeks, and lets go unbeaten into the snow filled winterbreak. 29 points would be an amazing result out of the first 11 games. It’s the only result your captains will accept.

Sincere apologies, no rude comments this week, uncensored versions can be requested.

Erik 'Do It' De Wit