Heathens 1XI Vs Tunbridge Wells Monarchs (4s)

It is a little known fact that in certain remote parts of Belgium it is customary to kick children who displease you. It is with great relief to the team that our very own Walloon, Steve Laden, has finally managed to forgo this ancient pastime in favour of goal scoring. Two thunderous strikes from short corners, either side of Dave Forsyth’s leveler, that turned the tide of the match.

The Heathens have fought back from goal deficits in each of their three league games this season. With a back line that looks rock solid when the team defends from the front and a mid-field that manages to dominate possession, it came as a shock to concede two first half goals.

Dave Golbey was the stand out defenseman in the opening twenty minutes where space and easy pass options were limited. In that environment the Heathen’s most senior player managed to relieve the pressure and set up forward momentum by shifting the ball wisely.

Long standing and committed Captain Andy Moore’s insistence that the team practice short corners at training paid dividends. It has taken the men from Blackheath three weeks to realise they need to pay attention when a corner is awarded and switch on rather than switch off.

Dave Forsyth’s decision to bugger off and play golf rather than turn out for his hockey club last weekend would not be atoned for easily. A well taken goal that leveled the scores went some way towards repaying the debt and his sweat covered brow at the end of the match was testament to his work rate and positive attitude throughout.

Notable mentions also go to Ders Baillie, the metronomic midfielder is fast becoming to the Heathens everything Man Utd fans would like to get from Paul Pogba. His signing fee of 7 Shillings and 6 Pence, paid in 1978, representing far greater value than the world’s most expensive footballer. Yes Ders was that cheap and yes he is that old but what an impact he has foraging forward and making quality passes into danger areas.

Notable injuries: Jonny Lewis crashed into the deck after ensuring he made a tackle with the kind of desire and bravery that so often makes the difference between winning and losing. Fortunately similarly assured defenders such as Brett Melville were on hand to keep the ship steady once Lewis, J had succumbed.

Raf sustained a bruised eye in mysterious circumstances. Investigations have revealed that he attended an AC/DC concert dressed in the Acca Dacca fans customary school uniform on Saturday evening. He had a chance encounter with Steve Laden from whom he tried to procure a pint. Steve, not recognizing the disguised Raf and being confronted with what he understood to be an oversized, alcoholic child, reacted in the only way he thought appropriate and launched an assault with his big Belgian boots. Shots were fired and the police were called. Sgt R. A. Cist of Eltham Police Station – hearing that Steve was a Heathen and on the grounds that he was white, decided not to press charges.

The fact that none of the forward line got on the score sheet is something that needs to me improved upon. The positives to be drawn from such a hard fought victory are that the Heathen’s have started to create many more opportunities to score and are showing a resilience that means there are no panic measures when 0-2 down before half time. A win in which all 14 members of the squad dug deep and fashioned a well deserved victory. Special thanks to Seneka whose umpiring was thankfully better than his navigation.

Report by James Hatcher.

Goals
Steve Laden x2
David Forsyth
Mom: Steve Laden
DoD, Me (harsh but fair) it took real beat of a missed train, and own goal and two other as good chances missed.
Thanks to Seneka for Umping

Still here?? this is the second report written due ta an emailing error! Matt waited for our reports then two come along at once, lucky you!

Dear reader,

Travelling to the Hawkenbury Recreation ground is always eventful, and we did not disappoint from the meet time on, the Heathens assemble cry for 2.20 went awry as Paddy caused a signal failure at London Bridge and was unable to get the train, luckily the skipper (Man Flu) organised a plan B and persuaded Belgian Steve to drive to the jubilee line to pick him up. A good start but no man gets left behind in the Heathens! The conditions in Tunbridge did not improve much, it was wetter than an otter’s pocket, the dugouts seemed to be ineffective and I have seen beaches with less sand….But a game of hockey was to be played and a 100% record to maintain.
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The Heathens started well, bossing the early exchanges hitting the post, James Hatcher having a good couple of chances hitting the keepers pads, rich mills going close. The stick tackles were flying in by Tunbridge, yielding their hockey sticks more like lightsabres, and making a number of interesting challenges. We won a few shorts but we were unable to convert despite the pressure….Then Tunbridge attacked, Brett with a foul, and a short to Tunbridge and ….a*rse they scored just inside the post. The Heathens felt like they had been punched in the stomach by Mike Tyson and suddenly look tired, the rain seemed to fall harder. Then more bad luck. During a brave challenge by Jonny Lewis, he was clattered and hit his shoulder on the astro hard. British Geological survey reported a minor Earthquake in nearby Sevenoaks, and Jonny was out for the rest of the game (luckily he was ok and should make a speedy recovery)!
Looking to respond the Heathens mounted more attacks, struggling on occasion to get it out of the left channel and going back into congestion just to make it harder for ourselves. The Monarchs forth attack got in behind down the right, in the D and the ball was played across the goal…to…to Will (In for Lewis at CB), feet in a muddle like Ed Balls on Strictly and expertly dispatched past Seb, great finish, wrong bloody Goal Will!! Wow. 2 down…..despite the dominance. Heathens stuttered a bit failing to find a rhythm after a second blow. But this team has experience and a good desire. Right on half time a short was won by the Heathens, everyone forward, Gobler injected, Ders stopped, Steve executed Goal…2-1 to Tunbridge halftime, and a very different team talk what a big Goal for us.
Skipper up, positive talk we were right back in this and should have been ahead, but weren’t. This is where the team needed to prove its class. Pass and move it around the channels, more composure needed
Second half, and after a bit of a shaky start we settled and mounted attack after attack, Hatcher after some good skill flicking the ball wide, when it was easier to score, hatcher hitting the pads chances and time slipping away, then another short won by Raf. Steve this time passing to Forsyth, returning to the pitch where he literally broke his face by kissing a hockey ball 3 years ago (he is ok now, chicks dig scars), deflected and goal! 2-2 Karma for Dave.
From then on the heathens carried on pushing and another short, the Monarchs with fear in their eyes scared of losing the crown, gobbler to Ders to Laden at the top, BOOM scored again! 2-3.
Comeback! It could have been more…but we’ll leave it there…nothing more to see or hear about. The skipper certainly did not miss a great chance after excellent work by Raf, with the ball played across the D and keeper missing it, I took a shot, thinking I had more time a defender got back to deflect it wide ( it was a great block honest Guv), should have been 4-2. Tunbridge went up the other end and got a short, Déjà vu form the first half? Luckily not they did not convert. Game ended Tunbridge Monarchs 2-3 Heathens 1st XI

Skipper