I'm a hockey player
"get me out of here!!!"
The two older brother's of TV's Ant and Dec, Matt and Edd strolled into camp Blackheath Fives.
"So camp mates" began Matt. "Your captain's have been voting, and we have the results of who will be facing the next Hockey Tucker Trial !!"
"So" continued Edd, "jamie C - it's not you as you are ruled out on medical grounds. James Elliot, Seb Cox, Stu Mac..."
dramatic pause for effect...............
"it's not you three. You go up to the fours"
" Morton Stanton, Dan Ridge, Carney" carried on Matt, "its not you guys. Zac and Ollie............................it may be you!!"
Edd picked up, "so that leaves you depleted Fives. So its Sam, Joni, Dave, Paul, Josh, Ross, Stu and Ross. Now your Hockey Tucker Trial is a game of 2x 35 minute halves, on astro turf against the experienced Canterbury Squires. Are you up for the challenge?? Remember you can shout "I'm a hockey player, get me out of here" at any time"
"What's your answer boys??" asked Matt.
"Oh we are definately up for it" said the Fives as one. " We didn't come this far to quit now!!"
"That's the Blackheath spirit right there" chirped in Edd. "Now as a special treat for you we have drafted in three members of the hottest boy band around at the moment......"
another dramatic pause
Edd continued "To swell your ranks you have Tom, Louis and Chris - from 'Browner and the Dynamos'"
The fives went crazy !!!
" And " continued Edd, "after a lot of juggling and re arranging, Zac and Ollie........................it is you!! A full team !!"
So the two presenters left the camp.
"What do you think their chances are??" asked Matt
"If they stick to the basics and play hockey then they can do it, if they try to be too clever................"
And so the two teams lined up on a freezing saturday afternoon, somewhere in the outback of Kent.
The Hockey Tucker trial was about to commence.
The fives should have been on a roll. Last week saw them bag three stars for their win and a further five stars for the goals, so they should all have eaten well and been on fire. But they seemed jaded, lacking in intensity. players were taking too long on the ball before making the final pass, and then making the wrong pass, or just losing the ball. something was missing. The desire was there, the fight was there, but the final spark was not. Having said that, Blackheath probably had 70% of the possession, eight short corners and we had their defence on the ropes for a lot of the game, so maybe we are being harsh on ourselves. Canterbury really had nothing to trouble us. The long "hit and hope" ball up the length of the pitch was it. But effective it was. Three times it caught us out, and twice they scored (the third hitting the post). Canterbury were also skilled in the way that they knew how to handle the game, when to take time over a free hit, when to leave the foot hanging, when to question the umpire. The problem that we had was that we let ourselves drop to the speed and style of the game played against us, and not stepping up and dictating the game ourselves. Consequently we went into the break 2-0 down and never recovered. But a bleak picture has been painted but really it was not as bad as that. No one played badly, we just didnt get the end result which is painful after so much hard work. There are plenty more games to go and more than enough points to gain.
Man of the Match was young Josh, who's energy levels are from another planet !! Great showings also from the young Dynamos Tom and Louis who both played superbly and are beginning to show their maturity on the pitch. Thanks to Sam for stepping up to the plate and to Canterbury for providing both umpires.
The end of the Hockey Tucker Trial gave the Blackheath Fives a final chance to gain a star and not walk away empty handed.
A short corner is awarded and the final whistle is blown. 10 red shirts surround the D. 4 defenders on the line. The ball rockets out and Sgt Whitney controls, raises his stick and shoots..........................................................WIDE!!!!!!!!!!
"I'm a hockey player, GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!!!!!" screeches Sgt Whitney.
"What the Hell happened??" asked Edd shaking his head in the post match interview.
"you know what" replied the sarge, "with 10 men surrounding 4 it is so obvious to pass, but sometimes you put yourself under so much pressure to try and get a star for your team mates that you make the wrong decision. I'm gutted as now we go back to camp empty handed and we can only eat soggy pasta again!!!
But it is not over yet. We will come out stronger. It is a long way before someone gets crowned "King of the Astro"
It could be us..................."
Sam Hannon (gk)
loyal supporter and tactical advisor Jamie C.