WHAT A WAIST!

Burnt Ash Men's 5s 3 BEHC Highwaymen 2

It seems bizarre that the calendar registers a perfectly normal post-season, with the Highwaymen's last league match on March 14 and first friendly on September 19, when in reality everything in between has been anything but.  It seemed strange to be playing again, yet utterly wonderful to be doing so, and the match was a useful run-out against a higher-ranked team from one of the Kent Open Premier divisions, especially as the men from BEHC were actually promoted to Division 1 during the summer after their third-place finish in 2019-2020.  That's now three promotions in six seasons under Stevie Gilbert's shrewd and astute player-management regime. So the moral is a simple one: forget Ancelotti, Klopp and Mourinho ... buy British!

In fairness to the squad, nobody seemed to have succumbed to the perils of the "lockdown diet" and the ascetic, tea-total, clean-leaving lifestyles of the Highwaymen's 2020 vintage were very much in evidence. Pin-up boy Andy Rose was as tanned and assured in midfield as ever, whilst son Hector appeared to have grown by about a foot since March. Tony Mitchell's summer runs meant he was as fit as the proverbial butcher's dog, which probably accounted for his tongue hanging out and the sweat trails across the astroturf. Matt Robinson's new hirsute look may have been down to hairdresser unavailability during the pandemic, but with the amount of sun-cream face-paint he was wearing he resembled a cricketing version of Juergen Klinsmann. Phil Bunker rocked up as a lean, mean fighting machine and showed his versatility by playing well in just about every position down the left-hand side of the pitch.  That was all the more puzzling considering he seemed to fit rather snugly into Phil Kinch's No. 2 shirt, which must be the opposite of Dr. Who's Tardis ... big on the outside, tiny inside.  Mr. Kinch himself, the team's resident vegetarian, had clearly not caused any global deforestation during the lockdown, and turned in a highly accomplished performance in central defence, both deft of stick and firm of voice.  As for Ravi Wickramasuriya - he looked positively undernourished after his lockdown work-outs, and the team were much indebted to his goal-scoring intervention on the stroke of half-time to bring the visitors back into a game where they had looked very comfortable for the first 20 minutes.

One thing that will be apparent in the coming season at a higher playing standard is that nothing can go to waist ... or waste!  The Highwaymen will need to be fitter across the pitch, less profligate up front, and much meaner in defence against smarter opponents.  There was nothing to choose between the two sides ability-wise, but Burnt Ash took the chances that came their way and were streetwise at the back, scoring two quickfire first-half goals on the half-hour mark after keeper Rupert Greaves had already been called on to make a couple of decent stops to keep it at 0-0. The men from BEHC "won" the last 40 minutes and drew level on 50 minutes thanks to a very well-worked goal laid on by the impressive debutant James Hatcher, and converted by Tony Mitchell.  The team could, and should, have scored more, and could, and should, have prevented the tame winner 10 minutes from time.  Nevertheless, the squad looks to have strength in depth for a change and will need to play a 14-15 man game to prosper this season.

First up in the league is a derby match against the BEHC 5s, a team the Highwaymen last faced in 2014-2015 when a similar "away" trip to College Meadow in the opening match of the season led to a sound 1-4 defeat and, ultimately, a brief flirtation with relegation and a mid-table finish.  Mr. Gilbert's men will not gladly repeat any of these feats in 2020-2021.

Team:
Rupert Greaves (GK), Tim Walters, Phil Kinch, Richard Cleall, Ed Smyth, Stephen Gilbert, Ravi Wickramasuriya, Andy Rose, Tony Mitchell, James Hatcher, Sammy Chana, Chris Bernard, Phil Bunker, Matt Robinson and Mark Ainley.

Man-of-the-match:
No vote was taken, but the M-o-t-m award saw a fair draw between Tony Mitchell and Phil Kinch.

Umpires:
Jon Lewis had a very good game with the whistle and the home umpire was absolutely excellent too.  The players seemed so glad to be back that it was an incident-free game played in exactly the right spirit throughout.  Fingers crossed that the season continues unabated in similar fashion.