DOMINANT 2s DEMOLISH MAIDSTONE

Regular readers of this weekly bulletin will be familiar with a pioneering style of match report conjured-up after the 11-1 dissection of the University of Kent just after the Christmas break. The saying goes that 'necessity is the mother of all invention', and when one has to describe 12 goals in detail, a fresh approach to sports reporting really is necessary. However, this bullet-point style was also designed to serve as a warning to any egotistical fame-hungry players that expect me to wax lyrical about their individual performance- if you want a proper match report, don't make me do it.

And so, without further ado....

1 - 0: Hungover South African Mike Benson finds the bottom corner (finally) with a drag flick.

2 - 0: A slightly less hungover Benson bags his second of the game from another short corner.

3 - 0: Benson completes his hat-trick inside 15 minutes with yet another drag flick.

4 - 0: Henry 'you mad?' Baines slots home after a slick passing move.

Half Time: The usual

5 - 0: Joe The Builder sweeps a reverse stick shot over the keeper.

Final Score:

Blackheath & Elthamians 2nd XI 5 - 0 Maidstone 2nd XI