OFF TO A FLYER

Wycombe Wanderers 1992-1994
Doncaster Rovers 2002-2004
Exeter City 2007-2009

A choice selection of fine footballing teams i'm sure you'd agree. But what achievement set these particular sides apart from their 91 league counterparts in those particular years? It's an achievement that not even the greatest teams from the footballing annals could grasp. Liverpool 1977, Ajax 1995, Barcelona 2009.... none of them ever came close to the dizzying heights of: Back-to-Back Promotions. You can of course argue that it's somewhat difficult to gain promotion from the top tier of domestic football (especially twice in a row), but only by allowing yourself to slip into the doldrums of non-league, then rising back up the ranks with 2 league wins in as many seasons, can you truly be considered an all-time great sporting side. And so, with Kent Division One 2018-19 enjoying pride of place at the top of Blackheath Hockey Club's extensive honours list, the 2nd XI set off in pursuit of the much coveted Kent/Sussex Regional Two trophy.

Gillingham, who edged out Blackheath 2s to gain promotion in the 2017-18 season, would be the first hurdle. Having been unable to overcome them in the previous 2 league meetings, the 2s were under no illusions that this would be a tough test. But with an ever improving squad, and a brand new formation, confidence was high.

For those in the know, this is where the report inevitably slips into bullet-point rather than prose form. However, in a departure from previous seasons, events other than simply the goals scored/ conceded will be mentioned, as this will allow the author to take the p*ss out of more people.

(DISCLAIMER: Please note that all timings are approximate, and some events may be in slightly the wrong order/ heavily edited)

1'- Jones is unfortunate to give away a short corner 24.5 yards from goal for a slight shove whilst winning a tackle. Craigmyle deals well with the straight strike, and the defence clear.

3'- Blackheath's giant ginger full-back 'John Arne Pizza', is forced off the pitch after cutting his leg open on an opponent's stick. Patel enters the arena and immediately plays the naughtiest of slaps.

10' - Clarke, having shaken off a minor rugby ball-related injury at the hands of Jones pre-match, forces the opposition keeper into a solid save with a drag flick from Blackheath's first short corner of the game.

13'- A training ground move instigated by skipper Hughes from another short corner, sees Marwaha open the scoring with a delicious diving deflection. 0-1.

19'- A fine move out of defence culminates in Dawson finding Ivens, who in turn fires the ball into Thorogood in the D. In a matter of minutes, he rounds the keeper to double Blackheath's lead and open his account for the season. 0-2.

22'- The ever tenacious Catmur capitalises on a scramble in the D to win the ball, his shot beats the keeper but is saved off the line by a well-placed defender, still 0-2.

26'- A Gillingham defender evidently feeling very generous, tees up Throgood with a fine pass inside the D. From 9 yards out you'd put your house on the net rippling, but Thorogood inexplicably tops the ball wide.

29'- Another short corner, a carbon copy of the move for the opening goal, but this time Marwaha mis-times his dive. Will these wasted chances come back to haunt Blackheath? No, obviously.

34'- A 50 yard one-on-one battle between Clarke and his opposite number culminates in a harsh green card for the returning student and the award of a short corner. Another straight strike, but Craigmyle is alert and saves low to his left.

HALF TIME- 0-2

43'- Jones goes on a mazy run, beats 5 players and wins a short corner. The corner comes to nothing, but 9 hours later he's still talking about it.

50'- Youngster Leverton produces the elimination of the match, beating 2 opposition players in one swift movement, only to be rugby tackled to the ground as a reward.

53'- Another short corner for the home team, but with Craigmyle in fine form surely they won't be able to sco.....it's gone in through the catflap. 1-2.

55'- Coach for the day Fowler substitutes Marwaha for the 2nd time in 5 minutes. Being innocent of any wrongdoing (the second time), Marwaha responds by entering into a calm and amicable discussion with Fowler, forcing one umpire to stop the game and congratulate the pair on their stoic and dignified manner of speaking.

62'- A goalmouth scramble after a powerful attacking run from Patel sees the ball fall to Little, but his attempt to put the game beyond Gillingham is well saved.

64'- Purewal decides to venture forward and in an incredible display of good tackling and bad dribbling, somehow manages to win and subsequently lose the ball no less than 3 times in 12 seconds.

65' to 70'- Blackheath wisely decide to slow down their play and see out the final few minutes of the game with relative ease.

FINAL SCORE:

Gillingham Anchorians 1st XI 1-2 Blackheath & Elthamians 2nd XI

MOTM - Jones: Solid defensively, and a constant threat going forward.

DOTD - Marwaha: About 4 different reasons (only 1 valid)