A bad day at the office

A crisp, fresh and clear morning was upon the Blackheath 2s, and the scene was set to get their away record back on track after a disappointing result at Herne Bay a fortnight ago.

However, a slow and lethargic start resulted in us conceding and going down 1-0 within the first 5 minutes. ‘Cat flap’ Kelly decided to keep his legs open for the Holcombe milfs on the sideline.

12: ‘Sorry I broke your bed’ Dawson rallied the troops when heads were down, and we managed to find a way round the Holcombe defence through ‘Asbo’ Leverton tucking it away into the bottom left corner.
15: Only moments later, ‘Hot Wheels’ Thorogood got onto the end of a dangerous pass into the D, taking a cheeky touch but the keeper was on hand to deny. ‘Terroriser’ Ivens was gutsy in the tackle and provided more ball for Blackheath, paying the price by losing half the skin from his arm on what was a lethal surface.
18: ‘Fresh Fluorescent Crepes’ Little rounded a few Holcombe sticks putting the opposition to shame, only to tomahawk the ball two goals wide.

23: Being back on level terms, Blackheath continued to knock on Holcombe’s door and created some tasty chances - ‘All swing no ding’ Fowler got himself into a promising position, only to swing and knick the top of the ball.
28: ‘Rapid Wrist’ Lawrence went on one of his trademark mazy runs - past 1, past 2, past 3 to unfortunately stumble over the ball at the top of the D.

Half-time

Blackheath came out strong after some constructive points were put forward at the break.
40: Cosgrove pings a ball into Charlish, fresh from the abuse he has been receiving all week from his South African girlfriend, sadly he couldn’t quite get hold of it.
47: Lawrence slings a ball across the face of the goal, Thorogood slides and is just inches away from joy (classic).
51: Following several more passages of play, Blackheath were rewarded with their first short corner. Excitement was pulsating through the veins of Blackheath, the thought of Clarke’s short corner record over the past few weeks, 3 in 3, made the players as excited as kids in a candy shop. He got some lift but a Holcombe stick deflection meant it was no cigar.

Levels of frustration were running high due to a number of highly questionable umpiring decisions, combined with losing ‘Chucker’ Hughes to injury.
63: Straight after winning back possession ‘Aerial King’ Kitchen had a moment of horror in the middle, bouncing the ball into the Holcombe player’s stomach which resulted in him losing the ball and...2-1 Holcombe.

68: Blackheath were left deflated and worked hard for the last few minutes of the game in an attempt to take home 1 point. It got worse - another lapse in concentration rubbed salt into the Blackheath wounds, and ‘Catflap’ Kelly left his legs open once again to make it 3-1, but this time it was for Holcombe Ladies Vets.
Despite ‘Precision Lacking’ Patel not understanding where the lines are on the pitch, he did save our bacon towards the end on more than one occasion.

Full-Time

Holcombe 3s 3 - 1 Blackheath 2s

MOM - Tom Dawson: secure in possession and vocal all game.
DOTD: Crispin Kitchen: moment of madness in the middle.

A bad day at the office for Blackheath and back to the drawing board we go - at the fortress against Folkestone.

Dawson summarised perfectly whilst watching Nathan’s best mate play for Burnt Ash After teas - ‘we played like someone in the team had just died.’

On the plus side, at least Prem didn’t score for the 1s.