A couple of weeks ago, BBC Five Live and ESPN sports broadcasted a feature about legendary unbeaten teams in Sports. Reason for the article was the unbeaten stretch of 26 matches Celtic FC had created in the mickey mouse league of Europe. Right at the moment of print, Aberdeen came along and ended the fairytale story. On the back of this, national and international media found themselves searching the interweb, checking old files dusting away in boxes in unused storage spaces some might refer to as Libraries to find more of these romantic and rare, some might say eclipse like events. The search was unsuccessful till someone found their way to the Oldest Hockey Club in the World.

This season, as massively documented on social media and pitchero, the twos are performing something out of the ordinary. Against all odds this group of lads is travelling to the dodgy dark sides of the Kent Area Div2, risking their lives on patchy pitches stitched together by the groundsmen of Gravesham, Burnt Ash and this weeks favorite Ashford. A ‘waterbase’ pitch that hasn’t seen a drop of water since the North Seas Floods of ‘53 which at key places (top of ‘D’) has some deep strips ideal for a 10 pin bowling lane.

Winning today would seal the deal for the boys, and take home the trophy to show to the desperately waiting Prom Queen. Small detail worth mentioning, Ashford are second in the league, and second best team in the second half of the season (6W1L) only beaten by your favorite golden boys (7W0L). For Ashford the last opportunity to try and win back some points for their title aspirations, but also a way for them to maintain second in the league, with teams like Canterbury and Holcombe3 breathing in their necks. In The Netherlands we call this a six-point match for a reason. After a comfortable but unmemorable win at the meadow in the first half (4-0) the 2s felt a win would be a realistic option today. Add to that our 19 matches unbeaten streak, and a win would be inevitable, right? Five mins in the game and it was clear this would not be one of our carbon-copy matches. Ashford was here making sure not to lose. Closely marking our forwards in the first 35 minutes of the match.

The score board, which hasn’t worked since the blackouts of 74, did not needed to be operated today. Although we tried, we did not find an answer to our own lack of perfection. Some days you need a bit of magic. Something like Morrie who has forced 4 teams to score an own goal against us. Or Thomas ‘The Train’ Piesold who taps in 10 ‘eyes wide shut’ near post goals in a season. Ison The Cake who scores a flick from a short. Ryan Bishop that saves the match. Edd Thoroughbred Thorogood that snaps in a hattrick without being nominated Man of the Match. Derwyn ‘Ders’ Baillie that doesn’t tap in an own goal against New Bec. Andy Clover that doesn’t get carded. Dan Moore that earns a medal by showing up to a match and put in the leg work. Any of these would have done today, to get a result against Ashford, but only one ‘magic moment’ was preformed when Ryan ‘my preacher my Bishop’ headbutted a goal-bound shot calmly onto the crossbar and out of danger. After Pistol Pistorious the only true South African Legend did what we required him to do all season. Keep calm, and perform some magical saves to save us points. So far Ryan has given us 9 clean sheets, and something tells me it won’t be his last.

0-0 sums up the match that saw your twos play against 10 and 9 men (for repeat offences by legendary 77 and ….ish captain no7 that makes De Wit look like a skinny athlete as fast as Usain Bolt, and as polite as Obama) at different spells in the match, but not find that all important last pass. Without wanting to be harsh, we just missed the sharpness in the final third. When a pitch is as dry as a camel back in the sahara, you really have to focus on passing and receiving the ball. When Saturday is the first time this week that 11 out of 15 players are on a hockey pitch after missing training, we should really try and play simple and solid. Luckily with Ders, Erik, Scott and Goughie calmly passing the ball round more comfortably in the second half we opened up the game more and more. We got comfortable with the ball on this pitch, and created some small opportunities. Up front Archie played the match of his season, constantly running, offering and releasing. Unfortunately for Archie at times he was the only one. With a bit more luck, or a different choice here or there, Archie would have been the match winner. Now, unfortunately, all we remember is his hard work and pace. Oh, and his tip-in from a meter out that supposedly took down that Boeing 777.

Archie’s deserved goal wasn’t the only thing missing however. This weeks result (and therefore overall DOD of the season) will have to go to the missing Dan ‘Tanktops are soooo 2014’ Moore who decided risking broken arms and legs on and off piste in the snow is more important than a winners medal. His absence had a major effect on people like Andy ‘Danny Glover’ Clover and Rob ‘9 pint’ Noble who had to perform a completely different role than normal.

That said, a team effort saw us even in dark times survive and not let the opposition come any closer. A few shorts were given that on another day (read another pitch) would have been goal bound for sure. Proud was your vice-captain to see that we never gave up. Even though effort or execution wasn’t as perfect as we normally like, we kept going till the end trying to win the match, rather than Ashford trying not to lose the match. There is a huge difference in perception and approach there. Ashford taking a 0-0 against us as their best result of the season, and a 1 point victory, whilst your twos see it as a 2 point loss.

Next week we see the Twos travel to the magical grounds of Holcombe, to take on the 3s. A result there will surely give us what we are longing for at the club. More trophies and a promotion to the Kent1 league.

Note1 Jinx: We would kindly request our players Browner and De Wit not to bring any bubbles next week.

Note2 Jinx: We will not read kind words from our honorary chairman this week putting invisible weight on the shoulders of the 1s and 2s telling us how amazing this moment is.

Note3: Special proud moment for the club when Jake Owen made his first appearance in the twos this season. Unfortunately as a team we struggled against a strong no2, which saw his minutes on the pitch be limited. But it is clear to see his great talent, and as a CB I look forward to seeing you and your runs on the pitch in front of me.

Note4: My lawyer has advised that note3 at no point is in violation with my CRB-status.

Note5: BOE would like send their sympathies to Ashford for being affected so heavily by the floods and the blackouts. We will save a prayer and drink generously at Club Dinner 2014.

Note6: Thanks to David Wells for umpiring as if it was a prem1 match. Please refrain from FB comments.

Your Vice-Cap De Twit,
On behalf of the still unbeaten 2’s